I feel like I've come full-circle in this whole self discovery thing. As I've mentioned many a time previously, I have too many passions and too little time. I've always known that I want to be self-employed, and that I want to make the world a more beautiful place, but this big question is: what? What do I really want to spend the rest of my life doing?
I've flirted with the idea of every typical artsy self-employment option I could think of: blogging and running e-courses, graphic design, owning a boutique, professional photographer. But honestly, I don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with enhanced photos of couples smiling in a field of daisies or diving into the technical mumbo-jumbo of html or accounting-101. I'm interested in all of those things, but I lack the dedication and the patience and the passion to really pursue them. Suddenly, it became a matter of what college majors would be practical for a self-employed artist, and that was when I knew something was very, very wrong. Practical is not in my vocabulary.
And so launched this bout of deep thinking and internet-fasting.
Tonight, in the midst of dinner, I looked up and launched into a full-blown rant to my poor, bewildered mother. Initially, it was about being a leader and discovering that ten seconds of confidence can move a mountain, but as the words poured out of my mouth it gradually became an emotional, passionate rant about my disgust for those who treat underdogs (i.e. special needs and otherwise socially handicapped or different individuals) as less than human. Bullying and backstabbing in general disgusts me, but on this level especially I find it sickening. Everyone deserves an equal amount of compassion, patience and respect. I actually got so worked up talking about the issue that I started to cry. And in my book, if an injustice angers you to the point of tears, you'd better do something about it.
I've never really thought of it as a career option, but I definitely have a calling. Not to end bullying (though that would be lovely), because there are a million organizations already committed to that cause. I think I have a calling to give courage to the weak. I know what it's like to feel utterly alone and hopeless, to hate yourself. I know what it's like to literally be one jump from death. But here I am, strong and happy and determined. I pulled myself out of the pit of despair because I chose to be happy, and I feel obliged to show others how to make that choice. I don't know how, and I don't know where to start, but it's something that I never actually considered and now know how important it is to me. And that's something, right?